SoMuchCloser

ok. yes, it’s sad: ed, farrah, mj, and now the oxi clean guy. but come on, people are dying everyday. real people who live like you and me. or people that are fighting for something. we couldn’t count the amount of people that die each day. so it’s not as if all of a sudden death is running rampant. it just happens to be on the cover of magazines and on tv now.

so on a down to earth level, let’s talk about how scary my basement is. god, i hate going down there to do laundry. it majorly gives me the creeps.

i had a moment today where i was reallyreally proud to have my dad’s last name. my mom’s family is really well known at home in lynn and a few other places (since there’s so many of them!) and so i was always left wishing i had her name, too. i was constantly telling people that i was a Rebidue, too, and just as much as them, but only with a different last name. but today, one of my cousins on my dad’s side found me on facebook. and he doesn’t have our last name. and for a second i thought about how lucky he would be if he did. and i was happy. i’ve been planning on dedicating my next tattoo to my family names. i just need to save up some mulla.

my friend moved down to harrisburg with her fiance and she just told me about the brewing compay he works at and how they book bands. i’m trying to get the guys to go, i think that would be AWESOME. i’m so obsessed with writing and playing and recording. we’ve got such good stuff, and especially jon’s. it’s too good not to be heard.

so we single people always find something dating-wise to gripe about, and today is no different. i got myself into a sticky situation when i hooked up with a friend and then became room-mates with him by default. okay guy, mostly an asshole who i would never normally be friends with, but deep down must be a good guy. now i realized a week or so into it that i wanted nothing to do with him romantically, and ever since then he’s been getting dates all of the time! i have NO feelings for him, but find it unfair, seeing as how i’m the good guy here. so, gripe put simply: nice girls finish last. geez.

Happy Last Week of June. =) xo

wowwowwow. what a week so far. i had an interview and tuesday at a publishing company, and i got the job that day! word, how things turn around. i start next week, and though i fear it will be a job full of robots and mindlessness, it’s just to help me get where i’m going. and hey, maybe i’ll get something else in the meantime.

yesterday! oh yesterday was insane. bill, jon and i got coffee and talked about websites and stuff and then played music all afternoon. after, we wanted to go swimming, but decided that jumping off of things would be more exciting. we found this old rock face that people jump off of, and jon was the only one brave enough to do it. then we found a bridge and stayed there for a while. it took me a good half hour to get the guts, just standing on the edge looking down. i’m so glad i did it, it was amazing. and we got to swim in the river for a bit, which was nice. we’re going to go back and put up a rope and take some pictures.

so anyways! good things. good things.

link is running in his sleep and the rain is falling on our bathroom skylights.

if everything weren’t so perfect, thoughts of going home wouldn’t be so god damn depressing. it hurts my heart. i spent the day applying to some more places, as a sort of last hurrah deal. i don’t know what’s going to happen, and i feel like these few months have gone by too quickly. but i can’t keep pretending that i can save for california and pay for everything i have to without a job. so at this point, i’m going home sometime in early july and figuring out how to save..probably going back to my old job. my dad just bought a house and has a finished basement. it would be nice to have my own space, but weird to be living with my family again. also, i have a small heart attack when i think of living in a parent’s basement. i want God to pinky swear me that i won’t get stuck there and wake up when i’m 30 in the same place.

so, massachusetts again. unless something miraculous happens.

on a happy note; we recorded a little. i’m gonna get the songs on my computer later i hope, and take it from there.
i have to try and enjoy these guys because i love them so much. yesterday was the first day i realized i’ll have to go home, and i almost cried over my sushi. but they’re too marvelous to waste any time with them being sad. i want to write, write, write and play, play, play. and smile.

yesterday we all went out to world’s end, and i had the privelege (sp?) of driving up with jon. we had a really intense talk about music and all of its complications. when you really care about it, it’s just like love. there’s so much that is taken personally and it’s such a relationship when you’re playing with other people. our circle of friends is so talented, and it’s hard to not hurt feelings when we all inter-play. jon and i have similar views, though, and similar goals. this is hopeful.

it was a perfect summer weekend that really reminded me of home. adrienne and jon’s graduation party was saturday and that turned into the longest night of fun i have had in a while. and then yesterday at the park was gorgeous and relaxing and sun drenched.
the coolest part of the weekend though was friday night into saturday morning. the guy bill was doing the mural for was having a celebration of life, and all sorts of people were invited from his crazy past; family, friends, classmates, bill and myself. it was incredible. friday night he had a bacon roast at his house, which was amazing. there were a lot of fun people with some pretty wild stories, and it was just a good summer sort of evening. and then the next day, he had his celebration. he rented out a hall and had people talk from all over the place. it was kind of a roast, but mostly people just had great stories to tell about him. it was touching and uplifting and it made me so happy to see this 73 year old man and to hear about how he had REALLY lived his life. bill said a few words, too, and i felt really proud and happy that we got to be a part of this whole thing. it’s one of those events that don’t happen ever, so when you get to be part of one, it’s pretty cool.

anyways! other things about the weekend: i am the world’s sorest sore loser when it comes to video games. the guys secretly told the waiter at red robin that it was my birthday and i blushed but got a balloon and a sundae! i am tan, even without the beach. i miss people. i want to play out in the park for money. i love sam adams.

happy monday =)

i am on a coffee high right now - one of my favorite things. it’s rainy and boring here, but it’s nice to take a break after what has been a pretty busy week. i’ve been spending long, sunny days outside helping Bill with his mural, and i’ve been enjoying that so much. it’s nice to be brown and paint-covered at the end of the day.
people have been coming and going through town because of things going on at the college. it’s strange to see them, now that i’ve graduated. but it’s nice to have guests in what has become a sitcom sort of group of friends.
i’ve been missing things lately; friends, family, the ocean, driving, drinking, dancing. but it’s a peaceful sort of longing. i’m still really happy where i am.
i have a 2nd interview tomorrow. i’m pumped and really really need this job. i really really just need A job. i can’t make it another month. i pay my rent tomorrow and that’s the bottom of the barrel. i am either going home to visit at the end of july (for various, very fun reasons) or going home to stay. so, we’ll see.
music continues to be the rock on which this whole crazy plan stands. it’s going well, and we’re going to record something for me to send to my dad for father’s day. so maybe i’ll figure out some way to post it on the internets. that’d be sweet.