SoMuchCloser

it’s 4h17am. i’m waiting for bill and we’re going to get coffee before getting in line for the on-demand sky diving trip sign ups.

crazy.

i had a fabulous weekend, filled with home cooked food, down mattresses and the unexplainable shame that comes with attending a beautiful catholic service on a sunday morning. the whole shabang was great and relaxing, it just made me miss my good ole baptist church back in MA.

but since yesterday, when i got back, i’ve been super melancholy. my excuse yesterday was fatigue. now i don’t have one for today, since i got 8+ hours of sleep. i just feel kind of apathetic and annoyed at everything that isn’t ideal. i’m hoping it’s just that the weather has been super drab lately.

today’s robust discussion in sociology was on gender socialization and it made me all at once want to be feminine, be a bitch, and be neutral. it’s so disgusting how society confuses us so, starting with our first pink or blue onesy. do i want to be the strong, independant woman that i am? or a feminine, dainty damsel in distress? nurturing? stubborn? if we’re too girly, we’re not respected. but if we’re too strong-willed we’re bitches. and where does that leave us on the love-able scale? are we less wanted if we’re brainless? or confident? oy. i really like this class.

my dad got a dog over the weekend, the most adorable little boxer mix. and my brother got in a bar fight for his best friend. i miss them a lot.

to my own horror i have become ‘one of the guys.’ two things this week have confirmed this terrible fact: my friend proceeded to inform me that her bi-sexual room-mate thinks i’m cute; and i was asked today by one of my closest guy friends if i knew anyone for his best friend. no, i don’t. and fuck you. i am a sexy, single, straight female and i think that should be recognized. by men. who aren’t sleezes.

thanks.

the weather has been impeccable lately. i don’t know how to spell that word, and the weather deserves my good spelling, but all i can give it right now is an appreciative smile. it’s gorgeous. wednesday is supposed to have a high of like 54. lovely.

what’s new in the life of? well we have 11 new alpha xi’s, which is uber exciting; they’re all so much fun. we’re hoping for even more at the end of this week. it’s strange that this is my last recruitment EVER. but relieving, too.
bill and i are at it again, we’ve got some good original stuff we’re working on. and we’ve grabbed up our friend to play bass and i’m in the middle of stalking a potential drummer. i think he’ll fall for our charm, though, no problem. in my mind’s eye spring is coming and sunshine and music are coming up everywhere. it’s great.
katie and ryan are coming up in 2 weeks. and then it’s off to sunny sunny arizona the week after that! i’m more excited than i could possibly describe. i can’t wait for shorts and skirts and palm trees for a whole week! and getting to spend time with my cousin who i haven’t seen since i got back from france! it’s so adventurous, and i’m pumped. 

right now the only conflict on my heart is what i’m going to do to be prepared for may to come. the secret option that is looking the best right now is staying here for the summer and then heading west. i can’t go home and work, or i’ll be a depressed, over-comfortable mess. and i can’t go straight out there, because i’ll be poor and living in a box. so i’m thinking here could be exciting; seeing williamsport in the summer again, making music, living on my own. i don’t know, i’ve still got a few qualms (?). i’m waiting for some force to push me in the right direction. i’ve got a little more time to wait.

as for class…i’m over it. i like most of the subjects, especially sociology and my gospels class, but i’m over papers and schedules and all of the younger college kids around me. with exceptions! but i’m ready to graduate, as sad as it will be. but HEY! it’s only february.
so enjoy the day!!
xo

p.s. i’m twenty-two now. it’s cool to say. =]