SoMuchCloser

i am completely content with all of the confusion in my life right now. i’m basking in it and enjoying it and finding so much good in not knowing what’s going to happen in so many aspects of life.
i don’t know where i’m going or what i’m doing come may. i don’t understand a lot of my personal relationships. i’m taking classes that make me question so much, whether it be society or a future profession or myself and how i live. i’m rethinking things dealing with family and friends, i’m questioning my reactions to certain things. basically, life is a big toss up mess, but in a really good way. it’s exciting and thrilling and anything goes. the chaos is kind of recharging me. i think i thrive on constant change and though somtimes i long for comfort or settlement, generally i like when every day surprises me.

i’m really trying to enjoy this last semester. i realize nothing will ever be like this again. i will never live with so many of my closest friends and most prized characters. i will never be able to learn, play, sleep, eat, etc in the same tiny rectangular peice of  map again. i was complaining last night that i wish we didn’t have to go to class; that i could just enjoy friends and booze and talking and music and love and not worry about responsibility. but that’s what brought me here, and that’s what’s going to take me somewhere else fantastic. i’m just really excited about the decisions i’ve made and where i am and how many possibilities i have around the corner. but i don’t want to let this slip away; my time at lyco has been the best time of my life, and these people are my favorite. so here’s to enjoying it. i hope you’re enjoying whatever it is you’re doing, because you own your life ( i hope) and you should be doing what makes you giddy with happiness from time to time.

xxoo

it’s sad that this is my last first day of classes! it went well, so far so good. i’m in a few classes that are all freshmen, but other than that it’s ok. and i have to get up for a 7h45. but whatev!

i’m so happy to be back. besides the snow, i love it. it feels like home here. i missed the apartment and bed and recliners and seeing people and everything. i feel centered and calm here, it’s nice.

i hope everyone is having a marvelous start to the year!

xo

four weeks is too long to be on a vacation. i feel lazy, and i guess that’s why mono decided to come back into my life - ’she’s already sleepy and sickly, why not just keep it going?’ my throat is all closed and white and my nodes are coming out to say hello. well, even though i have a frown on my face, i’m still keeping it positive. i’m excited that this is the last week at home…i miss all of my favorite people and the apartment and palm tree and bed. oh, how i miss my bed.

i’ve learned a lot this break, though (to be added to in the next week, i’m sure); i don’t hate my mom’s cat as much as i thought; death does come in threes; i really should bring winter attire with me when i come back here; my family is collectively getting older and falling away (another reason not to take them for granted); i’m not an alcoholic by any means; a person can only truly change if they leave the place they were raised; sex can be good, even when it’s really really bad; missing doesn’t mean loving, and vice versa; there are different kinds of patience; madgabs really is my favorite game ever.

my new year started off in the same way it has for the past few years. it was fun, but maybe next year will be different? it’s plastered all over facebook, leaving me wanting for the time before technology made everything so accesible and easy.

my throat hurts! =(